Blind Men See More Clearly Than This

 Since my last post, Russia invaded Ukraine and most of the world decided they suddenly loved Ukraine resulting in an outpouring of outrage and a proliferation of blue & yellow avatars on social media accounts. Suddenly, a clash between completely corrupt countries became the most black and white war ever seen. Any criticism about Ukraine or its leader Volodymyr Zelensky was heresy, Nazi supporting, and Putin adoration worthy of being burned at the stake.

Well, that's on one side. 

The other side extolled the virtues of the one true defender of Christianity, free speech, and capitalism: Vladimir Putin. Righting all the wrongs done by Biden, Hilary Clinton, and the Krampus, anything said against him was heresy, Neo Nazi supporting, Zelensky adoration worthy of being burned at the stake.

Any attempts by individuals at being a voice of reason has resulted in said voices being shouted down for being a villain supporting one side or the other depending on the stance of the denouncer. Usually keeping a cool and objective perspective is desired, but not in 2022 as raging emotionalism has become the only form of public discourse allowed in the modern West, not just the United States of America.

We didn't need that added to the already murky fog of war, yet here we are.

This post is an attempt to record my thoughts in extremely broad strokes for future posterity. There is no way I could document all that I've read and researched over the years without writing a lengthy book, so this is more for my consumption/memories than anything else. 

2022 Is Strange and Not in a Good Way

 From growing authoritarian tendencies being exhibited by various Western governments (Australia and Canada being the worst), an economic collapse underway in the U.S.A., to the extreme desire for war with Russia emanating from D.C., this year is showing signs of wanting to compete with the previous two for making life miserable for us plebs.

It all feels like being an NPC (Non Player Character) or an unnamed side character in a really badly written game or novel. If the theory we are all in a vast computer simulation is true, the company responsible for it must be the pan-dimensional version of EA or Blizzard Software -- especially if the unadulterated nuttery going on in Western culture is considered.

Having survived the Delta variant of COVID-19 back in November (not mild, but not severe, still generally unimpressive), I'd hoped for a little more normality sooner rather then later. Silly me. 

I have to say, World War III was not on my list of probable events when the new year arrived!

A nuclear war would be inconvenient as I'm still upscaling DVD's from my collection to HD and am nowhere near being done. The most important movies have been rendered and the halfway point on anime discs has been reached. Following completing that genre, the daunting task of TV series begins at a much higher level of difficulty due to arcane mastering issues involving mixed frame rates, interlacing, and the sheer volume of episodes.

More time is required, therefore a massive war resulting in most of humanity dying would be problematic since the electricity would be cut off.

Hey, I have my priorities.

Meanwhile, it has been a cold, if delayed winter, which somehow has been fairly dull despite a few minor snow storms here and there. The main hardship has been a roller coaster pattern to temperatures which is not the best thing for arthritis or cats. Both have been painful in different ways plus the added entertainment of constant feline confusion whenever I open the door to let them out. Top Cat looks at me with an accusatory stare when confronted with a chill blast, obviously blaming me for the situation.

When informed that weather control is above my pay grade, he shuffles off.

Only to demand being let out fifteen minutes later. 

With the same results.

I get no respect.

Looking Forward

 

For those who have hope, looking forward is a natural mode of behavior. For those with dashed hopes, looking backward to some mythological golden age is likewise natural. For those with absolutely no hope the perils of falling into apathetic depression or violent madness that desires to burn things down are again natural outcomes.

Here in the United States of America and many other places, choosing one of those three paths at the crossroads of 2020 was something that couldn't be avoided. Sadly, the last one has been chosen by enough to create a 2021 that may make the previous year look fantastically good by comparison. Anything that can go wrong is with no light in the tunnel in sight. 

One of the worst things is how acceptance of corruption and violence has grown, not shrunk in response to the challenges of a pandemic. Complicating the civil unrest is the now open resentment of the very existence of working class people of all races, creeds, and religions by the upper classes and a good chunk of the wealthier middle class. Divide et impera -- divide and conquer has been very successfully employed on an ignorant and self absorbed populace.

While the world is apparently bent on living a new normal of mandated isolation, corrupt tyranny, and hatred it is hard for people to be hopeful. Despair is growing, along with addictions and suicides, as jobs, income, and socializing are lost. Not exactly conducive conditions for growing hope in one's heart, are they?

My perspective on all of this going to be unusual. Personal circumstances of age, health, wealth, and lack of family have given me no hope for better times in the mortal sphere for some years. Frankly, generations of people are looking at the same fate, or soon will be when they realize far too late what all has been happening. Dealing with loss of what I'll call mortal hope is much more difficult when caught off guard with the ensuing problem of simply not having enough time to prepare for it.

Even so, I do not prescribe mortal hope. Often based on human expert opinion it is all too fallible and you are bound to always be disappointed. It is due to the bitter fact that the most brilliant human is still a barely functional idiot in the grand scheme of things. The failure of our governing, scientific, cultural, and educational leaders to be as brilliant as they claim to be has resulted in a slow rot of the faith of the masses in any of those institutions. 

This loss of faith has been happening for some decades although many do not realize it, especially the members of those institutions blaming the ignorance and stupidity of the masses. The real problem is that those lesser beings called the masses have begun noticing their betters have adorned themselves in The Emperor's New Clothes. Conflict is inevitable when madness reigns.

Not a cheerful thing to contemplate, is it?

It's a good thing that I consider myself just a visitor passing through on my way to a better world or I'd be trapped into one of the destructive modes of thinking outlined in the first paragraph. This, of course, doesn't make things blissfully easy as the world intrudes no matter how isolated or divorced from it you are. That said, letting go of worrying about the outcome for the entire planet or even the country I live in has been a good lesson in humility. 

Most of my life has been spent worrying on the behalf of others accompanied by inability to actually affect things on even a small stage as years of involvement in politics proved. Perhaps disability played a part, since so little of my own existence is under my control and so I looked for distraction in the form of civic duty, however it is no excuse for frittering away hours, perhaps years of my life. An ant trying to shove an elephant around never can succeed, after all. 

Rather than despairing, it is liberating to let go of responsibility that was never really mine in the first place. Taking on the burdens of the world is the Lord's duty, not mine, as I've thoroughly learned the last few years.

Where does that leave me in these broken times? 

My path has to be spiritual for the most part given my limitations. Choosing to do so while letting go of more worldly things is a way of putting one foot in front of another even if a slow shuffle. The important thing is actively keeping moving which should be easier having let go of the unnecessary weights slowing me down. 

It is ironic that this post was not started with any spiritual message intended yet keeps coming back to my faith in Christ. Is that itself a small step forward? Time will tell.

In the meantime, working on my health, learning video encoding (and eventually editing), and reading all those books I've accumulated over decades will keep me busy. The world is on its own.

Uncertainty

With far too much of the world gripped in a panic induced by a pandemic, I've been contemplating how poorly the vast majority of humans deal with uncertainty in life. The following ramble came out of that exercise.

Fear of the unknown has been considered the most potent of fears experienced by humans. A microscopic virus cannot be seen by the unaided eye with only its casualties left behind to be witnessed as evidence of its passage -- unless you work in a lab analyzing test samples. For all intents and purposes it is almost supernatural to the lay person, resulting in an intense primordial fear being felt by more than a few and far too many.

The most dangerous problem with intense fear is that it is intrinsically irrational and furthermore generates deeply irrational reactions that really can't be called thoughts. Feeding into that is another fear that is common and lurks below the surface in a constant fashion: uncertainty. Often manifesting as anxiety over change, it can be debilitating all by itself.

Now add the normal fear of death and you have a cocktail of genuine madness that is capable of being spread more quickly than any virus. If that wasn't enough, the continued political actions based on Rahm Emmanuel's famous line, "You never let a serious crisis go to waste," has generated genuine fear of government infringement of civil rights here in the United States. Since the upper middle class to wealthy so far aren't affected by job loss the way middle and lower class voters have been, a huge disparity in economic impact is exacerbating the situation.

There is a terrible social and economic disconnect between the highly educated classes and everyone else being fully revealed by this. Not only is there no empathy, there is zero sympathy exhibited toward the struggles of the poorer as they suffer economic devastation. Instead, vilification is the order of the day as the lock down turns into an open class struggle.

When people are oscillating from fear of death to fear of losing their homes to fear of having their rights taken away to fear of anyone disagreeing with them, you have truly reached uncertain times. The uncertainty is inescapable, not even through binge streaming television as has become the big thing to do -- with so many trapped at home now.

It's driving people crazy and making them meaner.

That Which is Given, is Quickly Taken Away

I haven't been this upset in some time and typing this post is surprisingly difficult.

Just over three years ago, I wrote a post about a kitten I'd gotten to help another cat get over his depression at his brother's disappearance. Meriadoc was a little bundle of pure joy who more than accomplished his assigned task. Top adopted Merry as his new brother with the younger cat adoring him.


Along with a neighbor's cat who arrived in a snowstorm and refused to leave, the cats became very tight companions. So tight that we referred to them as "the Three Musketeers" due to their running around outside as a unit. They were so much fun to watch together, mainly due to the fact we'd never seen male cats bond like this before.


Two weeks ago, Merry went missing during high activity by local coyotes. Multiple nights they could be heard nearby taunting the neighbor's dogs. With no sign of him, we wrote him off as yet another cat taken by local varmints. We found ourselves missing him greatly.

Then this past Wednesday, I heard a rusty hinge of a meow from the dining room. Not believing my ears, I went to see if I was mishearing things. No, it was a beat up and very happy to be home Merry who begged to be picked up. Suffering from a slight weight loss and scratches from a fight with another cat, he was very much alive.

Over the next couple of days, he was in and out, demanding and getting extended holding sessions. His bowels weren't being kind to him, but I held him despite the pungent aroma he exuded while watching a DVD Friday night. I was so very grateful for his return that it didn't matter.

Little did I know that would be the last time I'd get to hold him alive.

Dad and I decided to go see a movie and as we turned on to the county road, I saw a black cat lying still in the middle of one lane. It was Merry. He'd been run over and his corpse was frozen without a hint of damage.

As I'm typing this, we have a fire going over a small patch of soil in an effort to soften it enough to bury the plucky black cat who gave us so much happiness. It wasn't just Top's heart that had been mended by Merry's presence, but those of the humans in his household.

Right now I'm fighting for self control. When I'd thought we'd lost him earlier, it wasn't like this. Losing him so soon after getting him back is unexpectedly excruciating. I'd thought I'd gotten used to the constant loss that defines my life.

Merry won't be and can't be replaced.

A Lack of Motivation

It has been just over five months since I last posted here. Between struggles with health and not a whole lot to say, there hasn't been a lot of motivation to put together content for the blog. However, there has been an additional demotivating factor affecting my attitude.

The death of Open Live Writer's ability to work with images. Since the built in Blogger editor has always been twitchy, not to mention inconvenient to work with by comparison, it has made posting difficult.

One of the things that has made aging a melancholy process for me is the ruination of so many things I enjoyed or used faithfully over many years. From movie franchises to books to stores to tremendously helpful software, the downward spiral has been unavoidable. Here and there a replacement has been found that works, yet all too many have fallen prey to creative destruction -- minus the creative part.

So rethinking the blog is in order. Movie and anime reviews will not continue, though the old ones will stay. I had enjoyed the process of composing them but formatting has become an onerous task. A return to the more journal like aspect of the blog is probably in order with the added complication of my disliking writing about the unhappy things in my life.  Living through them is enough pain in the first place. The human desire to dwell endlessly on unhappiness is not something I approve of -- especially where I'm concerned.

Since my other blog, Mamie's Life is permanently discontinued I have to wonder if this is an end to an era on the Net for me. Output steadily decreased over the years has dropped the blog in priority to somewhere in the negative numbers on my To-Do list. Earlier in the year I posted about a lot of other factors souring me on blogging including the decline of civilized behavior in general.

All in all, I can't find any motivation to continue From the Sidelines.

Not a Tornado or Even a Thunderstorm

Earlier this morning minor storms passed through leaving more rain than fury. However, after they had vacated I noticed the freshly repaired flagpole bending in the wind which kept escalating. Nothing was on weather radar, so this caught us by surprise.

Dad went out to retrieve the flag despite my warning him, as it was not looking safe and I’d had a dream of being crushed under a falling object the night before. Moving faster than his elderly body normally does, my father successfully retrieved Old Glory while the wind continued to blow east to west which is the exact opposite of normal.

Discussing how strange all this was, I looked out the windows and as I watched, my beloved if unhealthy willow tree tore out of the ground dramatically keeling over in slow motion. A mere couple of minutes later the power went out at which I said the dead cottonwood planted by my late mother had fallen.

Sure enough, it had taking the power line with it.



Been a hard May so far. The Subaru had the power steering pump start failing Sunday and we only got the replacement part yesterday. We’ll see how long it will take to get it in and repaired. Power steering fluid boiling over its reservoir is something new for me, but so are random winds blowing over trees.

Weather reports state wind gusts from 45 mph to 54 mph in the area. This was closer to a sustained wind in my opinion that was more powerful since I’ve seen winds in that range before. Given the shape of the valleys intersecting here, it may well have been higher than 54 mph in our little corner of Yucatan Valley.

Thankfully the power utility crews did a great job very quickly in getting things rigged up again.

Which is more than I can say for Open Live Writer, which no longer can post images. Sigh.

The Long Winter

With an unsubstantial winter storm last week that failed to live up to predictions of nine inches of snow (the snow melted the moment it hit the ground), spring has been elusive here in the upper Midwest. Only today are seasonal temperatures arriving, though we did have a few tantalizing previews that flitted in and out again to make the wait more torturous.

38 Degrees Below Zero

The title says it all, we hit –38 F overnight with windchill taking it down another ten degrees below the base temperature. I thought thirty below the night before was bad enough, but this was impressive – however it still was topped by 1996 when our property crossed the forty below line.

Our new used 2006 Subaru Outback refused to start yesterday until some hours of having a space heater in the engine compartment took effect in the late afternoon. The car ran well for a short jaunt to check on a neighbor but a puddle of transmission or power steering fluid was apparent when we parked again. I’m hoping that it is simply shrunken seals due to the cold, but a mechanic will have to check it out once the thaw comes.

We’ve kept ahead of the cold and done fine with the only casualty being the plastic grill over the speaker in the driver’s side door. A tap with a booted foot instantly cracked the frozen plastic. Frustrating since we’ve only had the car for just over a week.

Final thought: Modern thermal longjohns are the best invention since sliced bread.

To Blog, or Not to Blog, that Is the Question

For some time now I’ve been dealing with my evolving view of the Web and in particular its benefit to mankind. What began as a wonderful way to freely put out and find information, it looked like one of humanity’s greatest inventions, perhaps even something that would bring the world together.

Alas, it has turned out to do the opposite more often than not.

Squid Girl Episode 3, Season 1

UPDATE September 4, 2018

More DMCA take downs have hit the blog despite screen captures long being considered fair use. Due to my not being able to afford a lawyer, I have no choice but to remove them or have the blog suspended. Only the words will be left.

TVTokyo is proving to be foolishly draconian in targeting posts meant to get people interested in seeing the Squid Girl anime and perhaps even purchasing it on DVD or Blu-ray. Being anti-piracy myself this is infuriating that they are targeting posts I wrote hoping to encourage people to try out a delightful show.

Another trio of stories explores Squid Girl’s adjustment to the surface world and introduces another regular character. Surprisingly, there is a common theme running through all of them – fear. Don’t be afraid, come on in, the water is fine...


Aren’t You a Scaredisquid?


The first story gets going with a satiric shot taken at ghost hunting “reality” shows, which Takeru loves to get scared by. I had to love Squid Girl’s reaction to the show and we find out she is a skeptic on anything that can’t be seen. That leads to a moment of evil inspiration for Eiko, who decides she will find a way to scare the ink out of Ika.


In Japan, there is a tradition amongst the school age kids of having tests of courage involving things such as going to graveyards at night. Used to be that kind of thing was done here, but it seems to have fallen by the wayside.  Anyway,  Eiko’s plan goes awry, despite bringing in other friends Goro and Sanae. Or perhaps, because of it…

The madness of Sanae is on full display here, which is expected. Goro’s behavior – not so much. Way to go, Mr. Lifeguard! Of course Squid Girl is not afraid of the inky darkness and soon gets separated from the others. Not happy to have gotten lost, the ever confident squid takes unique measures to find them.


The horrors of the graveyard are fully revealed and the big question is whether or not Squid Girl will be able to find her way home. Fear, surprise, and an almost fanatical devotion to sea life puns follow.

Isn’t That a Squid’s Natural Enemy?


The miserable revelation that it will take years to pay off her debt demoralizes our young inkvader. But that is not her biggest problem. Acutely conscious of her place in the food chain, the sudden appearance of killer whales off the beach has Squid Girl paranoid.


We also find out Ika see’s the world differently from everyone else. Very differently, as her fears get the best of her. This is bad, because it nearly leads to Takeru drowning. Time for Chizuru to turn on the charm and sucker Goro into teaching her brother to swim.


The pride of squid everywhere is at stake and Squid Girl will not allow some puny human to teach the boy! But what about the killer whales? Sheer silliness, fear, loathing, and tentacles are the highlight of this segment.

Who’s the New Fish?


A new waitress surfs onto the scene at Lemon Beach House as we meet Nagisa, a tomboyish surfer girl. Things go swimmingly until she sees Ika Musame and panics. Finally, a natural reaction to a tentacled monster from the sea! However, Nagisa is the only normal one amongst a bunch of weirdo’s as she soon surmises.


Nagisa’s terror is the sweetest sound to Squid Girl’s ears for she finally has scared someone. But Chizuru and Eiko are determined to show how harmless she is to the new girl. That must be countered if Ika’s dreams of world domination are to pass!


Extreme cuteness, fearful determination to save the world, and squid fishing make this the most amusing of the segments.

Thoughts

The gentle yet often sharp humor that makes this fluffy series so much fun is on good display across all three vignettes in the third episode. Already the series is hitting its stride, which is a good sign. Welcome social satire shows up from time to time to add an edge to the slice of life stories but it never undermines the sweetness at its heart.

Using fear as a common theme through the three stories was clever as we got to see different kinds on display. As always, it is Squid Girl’s reactions that get the biggest laughs. Fortunately, the supporting cast all get their moments too.

As always, I come away in a better mood after having watched Squid Girl. With season two’s new episodes streaming at Crunchyroll, I find myself smiling a lot lately.

Squid Girl Episode 6, Season 1

UPDATE September 4, 2018

More DMCA take downs have hit the blog despite screen captures long being considered fair use. Due to my not being able to afford a lawyer, I have no choice but to remove them or have the blog suspended. Only the words will be left.

TVTokyo is proving to be foolishly draconian in targeting posts meant to get people interested in seeing the Squid Girl anime and perhaps even purchasing it on DVD or Blu-ray. Being anti-piracy myself this is infuriating that they are targeting posts I wrote hoping to encourage people to try out a delightful show.


What happens when you mix a Kamen Rider spoof, higher math, and a love quadrangle?  You get unadulterated silliness of course! Episode six goes exclusively for the laughs while portraying the battle between Squid Girl and everyday life.


What’s a Squid Doing in a Hero’s Show?


The madness begins with a spoof of children’s traveling shows that mixes Noh theater with Kamen Rider  to create the twisted Noh Mask Rider. One has to applaud the warped mind that came up with this and that mind belongs to Masahiro Anbe, the creator of the manga. Imagine combining Shakespeare with Sponge Bob Squarepants and you get an idea of how wrong this is.


I cannot blame Squid Girl for her reaction to the show, for I find the whole concept hilarious too. But hey, the kids like it and there is a place for everything I suppose. The appearance of the villain gets her attention, for he is Demon Squid and he is out to punish humanity for mistreating the oceans!
Now where have we heard that before?

Soon she is rooting for the villain and the cast of the show are afraid they will have a riot on their hands. The diminutive blond in particular shows an inappropriate coping mechanism as things spiral downward.


A costume theft, adoration from the crowd, and radical deviations from the script ensue. You know it cannot end well…

Is Studying for the Fish?


Eiko may be the voice of reason, or at least normality, but when confronted with an implacable enemy she begins to crack. I speak of mathematics, of course. Noticing her outbursts while studying, Ika-chan can’t understand why the high schooler is having problems. To Eiko’s shock and dismay, it turns out she is a squidding genius!


Neither one of the girls handle this revelation well. Some very creative imagery reflects their inner emotions and thoughts, which are all a tad insane. While I can remember some frustration with homework those many moons ago, I don’t recall have a psychotic break over it. Nor did I have delusions of grandeur like Squid Girl, who thinks she has found her ticket to world domination.

It is one thing to be a math genius, it is another thing entirely to use it in the real world as our feisty hybrid finds out at the beach. But what is Eiko scheming and why does she have that evil smile on her face?

Is This Gilly Love?


In the final segment, Nagisa takes a starring turn after nearly drowning. Saved by Goro, her gratitude gets mistaken for something more by Eiko. Meanwhile, Squid Girl continues to torment the paranoid surfer girl since she is her “favorite prey.”


Eiko does her part to fan the flames of misunderstanding in the hopes of generating a soap opera at the beach. Actually, most of the misunderstanding is on her part as she reads just about everything wrong. This does not help Nagisa’s precarious state of mind one bit as she worries about the squid invasion and Goro.


Ika has her own worries about the situation brewing and soon a romantic farce breaks out. In the end, it looks like Nagisa’s prior observation about everyone being weird is turning out to be true. Will any of the relationships work out?

Thoughts


This is a particularly good episode in the series and left me wanting more, which is aggravated by the delay of the second set of DVD’s until December. Cultural satire is the focus of the stories and they have a nice edge to them rather than being soft on their targets. Kid shows and soap operas are such universal fare throughout the world that the humor translates out very well.

The math story is also a winner, but mainly due to the imagery which is amongst the most creative shown to this point.

Bonus: Noh Mask Rider


The first segment is a classic in the series and still has me amused as I write this.  Capping off the lunatic story is the opening title sequence for the Noh Mask Rider show complete with theme song.

The overwrought lyrics are hilarious, especially the origin ones. Ridiculous amounts of emotional angst centered around the superhero character makes for a fantastic lampoon of the genre. I would love to see a Noh Mask Rider OVA one day.

Squid Girl Episode 10

UPDATED: August 27, 2018

After being up for six years, an incredibly vague DMCA notice to Blogger from MX International Inc. caused this post to be taken down. 

Specifically, it stated: "The original works are copyrighted Japanese anime television broadcasts and translated releases by MX International Inc. Pursuant to 17 USC sec. 512(c)(3)(A)(ii) the official website for 'Squid Girl' includes a representative list at the below url" Said redacted URL was for TV Tokyo's website. 

Other blogs hit in the same notice look like they were hosting pirated videos. It appears Fair Use of screen captures may be going away since there was no video content in this post. All images have therefore been removed from the post and we'll see if it gets removed again.

Original post follows:

A rainy day brings out artistry in the Aizawa home, Sannae finally realizes she may have a problem, and a baseball game tests Squid Girl’s athletic abilities. From horror to the despairs of addiction to the thrill of competition, a lot of silliness happens -- but there are some surprising moments of angst to be found amidst the comedy this time out.


Rain Rain, Gill Away?
When a typhoon hits Japan, the normal summer fun goes out the window thanks to the associated torrential rain. A frustrated Ika Musame is taught all about teru teru bozu making by the Aizawa siblings and a nice little lesson about Japanese culture is explained to the rest of us. Personally, I love these moments in anime because they offer a glimpse at everyday practices in Japan.

Webcam Blackmail Email Spam

The latest, greatest attempt to get money out of people on the Net has been making the rounds in different variations, the essence of which are threats to release a webcam video of misbehavior committed while watching pornography online. I bothered to check the latest one out because it actually was addressed to me with the correct email address AND my old LinkedIn password in the subject.

Fortunately, that was a unique one not recycled due to my personal distrust of any social media service. The 2012 hacking of LinkedIn exposed 117 million passwords which were sold off to various criminals looking to commit cybercrime. They did get around to notifying users to change their passwords (I did long ago) but tried to conceal the size of the security breach.

Okay, Enough with this Winter!

This is only a short rant/documentation about the latest winter storm to hit here in Minnesota. An entire weekend gone to freezing rain, sleet, hail, and anywhere between four inches and a foot of snow depending on location.

WAIT! And there’s more! 

The weather forecast states we’ll be getting another wave of the same for Wednesday morning. Some middle of April we are having here with Spring being AWOL.

April showers bring May flowers… So what do April blizzards bring?

May lizards? May gizzards?

For some reason, I don’t want to know.

The Discontent of My Winter

If you go by my posting, I pretty much fell off the edge of the world once the temperatures dropped.  In some ways, that’s how things have felt simply because what energy I’ve had has been used on more necessary things without an iota of excess available to do what anything desired – or fun.
Aging and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome do not mix well is something that has become very apparent this past year. Having to face that things will never improve and only get worse is something all of us must do as the decades begin to race by, however this is more dramatic when a chronic illness is involved. Motivation levels do not matter one whit as one can strongly want to do something and simply be unable too.

I’d hoped to be reporting on my winter speaker rebuilding project with photos of the finished product. That isn’t going to happed since things have moved at a snails pace. Movie reviewing has flat out been dropped thanks to “brain fog” intensifying with the increase in pain and fatigue.
Frustrating doesn’t begin to touch the feelings experienced the past year or so.
Hopefully something, anything, will go right in the near future. All that can be done at the moment is endure.

A Lifetime of Service Ends

President Thomas S. Monson passed away last night after more than seven decades of service as a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His was an amazing life of dedicated service to others, beginning in earnest with being called as the bishop to the largest ward in the Church at the very young age of twenty two. Many were the blessing he helped bring to people around the world and he’ll be dearly missed.

For most of my membership in the Church he was the prophet at its head whose sermons were always warm, inviting, and humane. A constant sense of humor, abetted by great humility, in his delivery was endearing to say the least. There was never any doubt about how much he cared about others or his love for the Savior.

I can’t say I’m saddened by President Monson’s departure from the mortal coil for his health had visibly deteriorated over the past few years dimming his trademark energetic engagement with all around him. Knowing that good man can now rest for a bit in the company of his earlier departed wife is a relief. If any mortals can be said to deserve paradise, Thomas S. Monson would be at the head of the list, at least in my book.

2017

In many ways, 2017 was personally a lost year with health issues consuming far too much of my life. Nearly everything planned fell apart or was left incomplete once started, so it is without fondness that I bid the annum goodbye.

The one silver lining to the past twelve months is that my father is now able to eat solid foods again. He even gained weight during our one week stay at my sister’s house!

At least there were concrete improvements to government and foreign relations for the country despite the petulant whining of those invested in the current power structure and worshipping pop culture. As I’m writing this, a true resistance is trying to become a revolution in Iran against a genuine dictatorship in direct contrast to the histrionics here in the United States making me wonder if sanity has become a rare commodity in our decadent society.

Relief

The molar is finally out thanks to a dentist much closer than the Twin Cities taking mercy upon me and doing the extraction yesterday at a discount. Fortunately, the removal went smoothly with the offending tooth coming out mostly intact leaving just one root behind that didn’t put up a fight when subsequently yanked out. While the socket hurts and the associated swelling is there, it is nothing compared to what it was like before. Being able to breathe properly while sleeping is a wonderful thing.

Since the tooth was right on a nerve, there was risk in the extraction doing nerve damage, however it was already manifesting symptoms along that line so it needed to be done. For the past week I’d experienced what can only be described as a mild paralysis along the left side of the throat into the bronchial area accompanied by a slight numbness in the left corner of my lips. The morning after the procedure revealed that breathing in general had been affected by the infection as well, much to my surprise.

Once this heals up, it will be time to try to get something done about a large cavity. While I hope I can get the clinic in Rochester to do that so it is covered by UCare, the missed appointment put me months back in the queue. At this rate, selling belongings or borrowing money may be necessary for a cash payment at a closer dentist.

Oh well, one problem at a time.

Pressure Points

Events haven’t been going terribly well for me  lately. Another tooth needs extracting and finding an oral surgeon who accepts the dental insurance provided by the state of Minnesota is proving to be difficult. It is bad enough that the only regular dental clinic that I could find for basic care is 40+ miles away in Rochester, but UCare Connect (Delta Dental Civic Smiles) isn’t being accepted by the places listed as accepting it online. If the support team doesn’t find me a place in 48 hours, I’ll be back to calling numbers which usually reveals they stopped accepting it within the past several years.

Adding to the woes is a missed checkup appointment this week due to Verizon delivering all my voice mails from July, August, and early September on the day before the appointment. Since I don’t get out much, the push queue seems to delay me getting them dramatically. In August, I received messages from May and July along with one from 2016!

Something in the Air?

Lately I’ve been seeing people flip out on others online to a degree worse than usual. Being a target of it out of the blue a couple of times myself, it has been an exercise in Christian forgiveness followed by deliberate avoidance since the attackers persist no matter how much you explain yourself patiently. This is nothing new on the Net for I remember the flame wars on Usenet decades ago.

Catching a Break

I wish this was a positive break, however it is not. The filling on the tooth that broke earlier this spring cracked while eating soft ice cream much to my ire. frustration, and baffled amazement. Since that filling was placed, other teeth have had smaller old resin fillings break as well so I’m wondering if resin is all its cracked up to be, no pun intended.

Sure enough, a little research online reveals them to be more prone to cracking and fracture then metal. Lovely.

Given the tooth location, I wonder if metal is even an option. While hoping extraction is not on the boards, it is only a matter of time before I become one of those people missing teeth up front. Medical Assistance simply doesn’t cover much anymore and dental work is incredibly expensive. $1400 for a cap is impossible for someone who is as far below the poverty line as I am.

With multiple teeth hurting to some degree, it is hard not to be pessimistic about the situation. I really miss the days local dentists accepted MA so that traveling for over an hour wasn’t adding to the difficulty. Not to mention it was a lot easier to get in for an appointment.

Sigh. Part of this is I’ve had to neglect my health during my father’s cancer battle and ensuing complications. Now that he’s doing much better, I’m falling apart. I don’t even have a regular doctor and will have to change healthcare systems it appears.

Something is going to give way soon, I fear.

Not Dead Yet

The title of the post is what I yell out to turkey vultures hopefully circling overhead whenever I notice them stalking me. Likewise, the blog is still going though I seem to have missed posting for an entire month again.

Believe it or not, the multiyear delayed Godzilla review has advanced slightly, in that I’ve got most of the screen captures ready for editing. Now if the notes taken on the Blu-ray release turn up real progress might be made.

Lots of little things and unusually low amounts of energy even for me have kept me from doing anything interesting since May. My sister’s family visited over the Independence Day weekend, so the back half of the week had me bed ridden most of the time.

Dad has done well with eating more solids along with liquid food that normally is pumped in. Apparently the Nestle kind is palatable enough to consume by mouth, or so he says. Dealing with a big change in food consumption has been challenging, since we’ve both forgotten how to cook over the last three years of his paralyzed stomach. With it working again, my solitary diet of rice and eggs/chicken can no longer be the norm.

As for me, the rest of July looks… challenging. August doesn’t look much better and I find myself dreading all the energy expenditures involved. More than likely I will have to disappoint someone or more than one if my energy levels don’t improve.

In the meantime, there may be some short posts coming up featuring some oddball acquisitions made over the past few months.

May Brings Changes

It is said the one constant in life is change, so the events of this unfinished month are not surprising except when nature takes its course.

Storms have roiled the area and saturated the soil much to the disappointment of farmers trying to get their crops in. While we were spared the violent side of the weather, others were not including a fatality along with $10,000,000 in damages over in Barron County, Wisconsin. The same system left behind a beautiful sky that prompted me to get the camera out.

Game Over

Last night ended my interest in playing video games, though that interest had been waning for some months now. The catalyst was being harassed by a condescending nut case during a run in Star Trek Online, my go to game for relaxation. Details of the incident are unimportant, suffice it to say I became the angriest I've been in a solid decade.

Disregarding the hostile party, part of the anger was towards my caring about it at all. Dissatisfaction with gaming has been growing due to the realization that the whole endeavor is a substitute for achievement in life. One plays games to wear the costume of a hero, be a creator of farms or empires, and achieve victory along with renown in the case of multiplayer games.

All of these things are lies we are sold to make us feel accomplished and fulfilled, but not too fulfilled since there is always future content to sell by the game makers.

As I get older, these illusions ring more and more hollow. While most people like or are  comfortable with pretty little lies, the lure will continuously be effective. However, I'm not categorizable as "most people" so last night's ugliness was the last proverbial straw that broke this gamer's back.

Uninstallation of ninety percent of the games on my PC followed with the remaining not likely to be played or are games played socially with real life friends. It isn't even bittersweet with the predominant feeling being... relief.

My time will be better spent on just about anything else.