Uncertainty

With far too much of the world gripped in a panic induced by a pandemic, I've been contemplating how poorly the vast majority of humans deal with uncertainty in life. The following ramble came out of that exercise.

Fear of the unknown has been considered the most potent of fears experienced by humans. A microscopic virus cannot be seen by the unaided eye with only its casualties left behind to be witnessed as evidence of its passage -- unless you work in a lab analyzing test samples. For all intents and purposes it is almost supernatural to the lay person, resulting in an intense primordial fear being felt by more than a few and far too many.

The most dangerous problem with intense fear is that it is intrinsically irrational and furthermore generates deeply irrational reactions that really can't be called thoughts. Feeding into that is another fear that is common and lurks below the surface in a constant fashion: uncertainty. Often manifesting as anxiety over change, it can be debilitating all by itself.

Now add the normal fear of death and you have a cocktail of genuine madness that is capable of being spread more quickly than any virus. If that wasn't enough, the continued political actions based on Rahm Emmanuel's famous line, "You never let a serious crisis go to waste," has generated genuine fear of government infringement of civil rights here in the United States. Since the upper middle class to wealthy so far aren't affected by job loss the way middle and lower class voters have been, a huge disparity in economic impact is exacerbating the situation.

There is a terrible social and economic disconnect between the highly educated classes and everyone else being fully revealed by this. Not only is there no empathy, there is zero sympathy exhibited toward the struggles of the poorer as they suffer economic devastation. Instead, vilification is the order of the day as the lock down turns into an open class struggle.

When people are oscillating from fear of death to fear of losing their homes to fear of having their rights taken away to fear of anyone disagreeing with them, you have truly reached uncertain times. The uncertainty is inescapable, not even through binge streaming television as has become the big thing to do -- with so many trapped at home now.

It's driving people crazy and making them meaner.

That Which is Given, is Quickly Taken Away

I haven't been this upset in some time and typing this post is surprisingly difficult.

Just over three years ago, I wrote a post about a kitten I'd gotten to help another cat get over his depression at his brother's disappearance. Meriadoc was a little bundle of pure joy who more than accomplished his assigned task. Top adopted Merry as his new brother with the younger cat adoring him.


Along with a neighbor's cat who arrived in a snowstorm and refused to leave, the cats became very tight companions. So tight that we referred to them as "the Three Musketeers" due to their running around outside as a unit. They were so much fun to watch together, mainly due to the fact we'd never seen male cats bond like this before.


Two weeks ago, Merry went missing during high activity by local coyotes. Multiple nights they could be heard nearby taunting the neighbor's dogs. With no sign of him, we wrote him off as yet another cat taken by local varmints. We found ourselves missing him greatly.

Then this past Wednesday, I heard a rusty hinge of a meow from the dining room. Not believing my ears, I went to see if I was mishearing things. No, it was a beat up and very happy to be home Merry who begged to be picked up. Suffering from a slight weight loss and scratches from a fight with another cat, he was very much alive.

Over the next couple of days, he was in and out, demanding and getting extended holding sessions. His bowels weren't being kind to him, but I held him despite the pungent aroma he exuded while watching a DVD Friday night. I was so very grateful for his return that it didn't matter.

Little did I know that would be the last time I'd get to hold him alive.

Dad and I decided to go see a movie and as we turned on to the county road, I saw a black cat lying still in the middle of one lane. It was Merry. He'd been run over and his corpse was frozen without a hint of damage.

As I'm typing this, we have a fire going over a small patch of soil in an effort to soften it enough to bury the plucky black cat who gave us so much happiness. It wasn't just Top's heart that had been mended by Merry's presence, but those of the humans in his household.

Right now I'm fighting for self control. When I'd thought we'd lost him earlier, it wasn't like this. Losing him so soon after getting him back is unexpectedly excruciating. I'd thought I'd gotten used to the constant loss that defines my life.

Merry won't be and can't be replaced.

A Lack of Motivation

It has been just over five months since I last posted here. Between struggles with health and not a whole lot to say, there hasn't been a lot of motivation to put together content for the blog. However, there has been an additional demotivating factor affecting my attitude.

The death of Open Live Writer's ability to work with images. Since the built in Blogger editor has always been twitchy, not to mention inconvenient to work with by comparison, it has made posting difficult.

One of the things that has made aging a melancholy process for me is the ruination of so many things I enjoyed or used faithfully over many years. From movie franchises to books to stores to tremendously helpful software, the downward spiral has been unavoidable. Here and there a replacement has been found that works, yet all too many have fallen prey to creative destruction -- minus the creative part.

So rethinking the blog is in order. Movie and anime reviews will not continue, though the old ones will stay. I had enjoyed the process of composing them but formatting has become an onerous task. A return to the more journal like aspect of the blog is probably in order with the added complication of my disliking writing about the unhappy things in my life.  Living through them is enough pain in the first place. The human desire to dwell endlessly on unhappiness is not something I approve of -- especially where I'm concerned.

Since my other blog, Mamie's Life is permanently discontinued I have to wonder if this is an end to an era on the Net for me. Output steadily decreased over the years has dropped the blog in priority to somewhere in the negative numbers on my To-Do list. Earlier in the year I posted about a lot of other factors souring me on blogging including the decline of civilized behavior in general.

All in all, I can't find any motivation to continue From the Sidelines.

Not a Tornado or Even a Thunderstorm

Earlier this morning minor storms passed through leaving more rain than fury. However, after they had vacated I noticed the freshly repaired flagpole bending in the wind which kept escalating. Nothing was on weather radar, so this caught us by surprise.

Dad went out to retrieve the flag despite my warning him, as it was not looking safe and I’d had a dream of being crushed under a falling object the night before. Moving faster than his elderly body normally does, my father successfully retrieved Old Glory while the wind continued to blow east to west which is the exact opposite of normal.

Discussing how strange all this was, I looked out the windows and as I watched, my beloved if unhealthy willow tree tore out of the ground dramatically keeling over in slow motion. A mere couple of minutes later the power went out at which I said the dead cottonwood planted by my late mother had fallen.

Sure enough, it had taking the power line with it.



Been a hard May so far. The Subaru had the power steering pump start failing Sunday and we only got the replacement part yesterday. We’ll see how long it will take to get it in and repaired. Power steering fluid boiling over its reservoir is something new for me, but so are random winds blowing over trees.

Weather reports state wind gusts from 45 mph to 54 mph in the area. This was closer to a sustained wind in my opinion that was more powerful since I’ve seen winds in that range before. Given the shape of the valleys intersecting here, it may well have been higher than 54 mph in our little corner of Yucatan Valley.

Thankfully the power utility crews did a great job very quickly in getting things rigged up again.

Which is more than I can say for Open Live Writer, which no longer can post images. Sigh.

The Long Winter

With an unsubstantial winter storm last week that failed to live up to predictions of nine inches of snow (the snow melted the moment it hit the ground), spring has been elusive here in the upper Midwest. Only today are seasonal temperatures arriving, though we did have a few tantalizing previews that flitted in and out again to make the wait more torturous.

38 Degrees Below Zero

The title says it all, we hit –38 F overnight with windchill taking it down another ten degrees below the base temperature. I thought thirty below the night before was bad enough, but this was impressive – however it still was topped by 1996 when our property crossed the forty below line.

Our new used 2006 Subaru Outback refused to start yesterday until some hours of having a space heater in the engine compartment took effect in the late afternoon. The car ran well for a short jaunt to check on a neighbor but a puddle of transmission or power steering fluid was apparent when we parked again. I’m hoping that it is simply shrunken seals due to the cold, but a mechanic will have to check it out once the thaw comes.

We’ve kept ahead of the cold and done fine with the only casualty being the plastic grill over the speaker in the driver’s side door. A tap with a booted foot instantly cracked the frozen plastic. Frustrating since we’ve only had the car for just over a week.

Final thought: Modern thermal longjohns are the best invention since sliced bread.

To Blog, or Not to Blog, that Is the Question

For some time now I’ve been dealing with my evolving view of the Web and in particular its benefit to mankind. What began as a wonderful way to freely put out and find information, it looked like one of humanity’s greatest inventions, perhaps even something that would bring the world together.

Alas, it has turned out to do the opposite more often than not.