Normally I like to post something about being thankful around Thanksgiving, however I’m in no mood to do so this year. It has been the kind of year where every blessing has revealed a Faustian twist behind it souring things considerably. Suffice it to say that actively working on being grateful has been a task and as of this week I’m completely depleted of the emotion.
A large part of my foul mood has to do with having been ill for several weeks with an upper respiratory bug that only now is clearing up. Much more aggravating is continued problems for Dad involving a leaking feeding tube. It was replaced on short notice Monday and now is worse as of yesterday. So he isn’t able to feed at all at the moment while we wait for a return call from the department involved.
Well, it looks like we have to go in, no surprise. I’m suspecting an infection thanks to discharge I just saw. Going to be another long day if we can get out in the first place. Tractor path is going to get used, methinks.
My father’s behavior has also been a source of great stress. Given the option by the dietician to start testing things like broths, pureed soups, and pudding one at a time over several days each, he promptly went to town on ice cream, pudding, and soup. Within 24 hours he was suffering violent hiccups again accompanied by vomiting acid in dollops.
Dad simply never learns from his past mistakes and repeats them ad nauseum. Being that way for the forty plus years I’ve known him, it is time to give up on the man’s ever changing. Problem is, I don’t think I can take this indefinitely any more and I refuse to quietly accept bad behavior.
Early winter is also an ingredient in my stewing. The driveway has been unusually hazardous resulting in being stuck in the house with Dad with no way out. Not that I get out that much in the first place, it is the psychological effect of feeling trapped working its frustrating mojo.
Proving that shopping does nothing to sooth my soul, Black Friday deals I’ve scored have had no effect on my mood. So far I’ve found nothing gift worthy, so what little I’ve found has been for me. Maybe Cyber Monday will be better, however it seems like there aren’t as many good deals this year.
Materialism run amok is not a spiritual salve and that’s all the holidays have become about, unfortunately.
Time to see if laundry is dry yet and prepare to go to Gundersen.
UPDATE: Not an infection but a misplaced tube that had tissue grow around where it was dislodged. New tube of slightly different design has been put in. Hope it works better than Monday’s installation.
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