It has been a hard winter, in regards to weather and health. So it is my hope that spring finally arriving will herald better times for me, at least in being more productive. I’ve had to shift priorities to seeing to my health and trying to put my house in order since last year. So far, results have not been good in either case. Having to face the fact that my health will probably decline, not just stagnate as I get older has been a sobering realization.
One of my major flaws is that I always put others first and don’t care very much about my well being. A person can get away with that as long as they have resources of health, wealth, and a network of friends and family to rely on. Since I’m at a deficit compared to normal people on all those things, my reserves are totally shot with no easy or fast replenishment possible. In the past few years I’ve had to give up a lot of volunteer work because I’m simply unable to do it anymore. In fact, all my activities have taken large hits. So my task now is having to learn to be more selfish in order to survive and be able to do anything at all for others.
Galling doesn’t even begin to represent how this makes me feel. It isn’t easy to go against one’s nature, especially when the only comfort in life is found when helping others.
But life isn’t about the way you want things to be, rather it is about dealing with the way things are. Like having to go to the dentist’s office today for another unpleasant cleaning…
…at least it isn’t root canal.
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