Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

After being really ill for the past week, I've had time to think on the whole subject of being disabled by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I usually don't like to think about it much, as just dealing with it eats enough precious time as it is. But I've been so sick that I haven't been able to read anything of depth, whether it be scriptures, non-fiction, editorials, or fiction. Even TV shows and movies have been hard to focus on this week. So I've been left to think about things and contemplate things (cue ominous music). Or not so ominous, just a good Animals tune.

One thing that jumped out at me is how relatively healthy people simply can't comprehend the disability I have. I don't "look" sick, I'm not in a wheelchair, I'm not walking with braces, I don't have hair falling out... In other words it isn't apparent to the naked eye. Oh there are times I am pale as a ghost, had my father worried the one night I went out to get some things done this week, but most of the time I look normal. This leads to people thinking I don't try hard enough, or that it is in my head, or I'm just lazy. Oh the irony in the last, as I have a very bad tendency to push with every ounce of energy I've got. Which isn't always the smartest thing to do as it makes me even more ill, but there's that whole being "type A personality" thing I've got going. So I end up being misunderstood, which adds insult to injury on occasion. I can't stand being misunderstood.

Interestingly enough, this line of thinking takes me to the spiritual side of things. So I'm not understood, perhaps thought less of -- does this give me the right to be angry about it? Not really. Jesus Christ taught us that we must forgive others in order to be forgiven ourselves (Matt 6:14-15, Luke 6:37). Not always the easiest thing to do, but a necessary thing to do lest bitterness creep into my soul. I often think, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34) when I run into people who wronged me in the past or who are wronging others. So much cruelty and meanness comes from simple ignorance or unwillingness to walk in another's shoes. Even more comes from the simple sin of not thinking at all, for reason is one of our more Divine gifts and when exercised properly leads to compassion and caring. It also can lead to forgiveness.

I'll finish this post with a quote from Doctrine and Covenants, section 64, verses 10-11:

I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. And ye ought to say in your hearts -- let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.

Something to contemplate on a sunny Sabbath day.