Blind Men See More Clearly Than This

 Since my last post, Russia invaded Ukraine and most of the world decided they suddenly loved Ukraine resulting in an outpouring of outrage and a proliferation of blue & yellow avatars on social media accounts. Suddenly, a clash between completely corrupt countries became the most black and white war ever seen. Any criticism about Ukraine or its leader Volodymyr Zelensky was heresy, Nazi supporting, and Putin adoration worthy of being burned at the stake.

Well, that's on one side. 

The other side extolled the virtues of the one true defender of Christianity, free speech, and capitalism: Vladimir Putin. Righting all the wrongs done by Biden, Hilary Clinton, and the Krampus, anything said against him was heresy, Neo Nazi supporting, Zelensky adoration worthy of being burned at the stake.

Any attempts by individuals at being a voice of reason has resulted in said voices being shouted down for being a villain supporting one side or the other depending on the stance of the denouncer. Usually keeping a cool and objective perspective is desired, but not in 2022 as raging emotionalism has become the only form of public discourse allowed in the modern West, not just the United States of America.

We didn't need that added to the already murky fog of war, yet here we are.

This post is an attempt to record my thoughts in extremely broad strokes for future posterity. There is no way I could document all that I've read and researched over the years without writing a lengthy book, so this is more for my consumption/memories than anything else. 

2022 Is Strange and Not in a Good Way

 From growing authoritarian tendencies being exhibited by various Western governments (Australia and Canada being the worst), an economic collapse underway in the U.S.A., to the extreme desire for war with Russia emanating from D.C., this year is showing signs of wanting to compete with the previous two for making life miserable for us plebs.

It all feels like being an NPC (Non Player Character) or an unnamed side character in a really badly written game or novel. If the theory we are all in a vast computer simulation is true, the company responsible for it must be the pan-dimensional version of EA or Blizzard Software -- especially if the unadulterated nuttery going on in Western culture is considered.

Having survived the Delta variant of COVID-19 back in November (not mild, but not severe, still generally unimpressive), I'd hoped for a little more normality sooner rather then later. Silly me. 

I have to say, World War III was not on my list of probable events when the new year arrived!

A nuclear war would be inconvenient as I'm still upscaling DVD's from my collection to HD and am nowhere near being done. The most important movies have been rendered and the halfway point on anime discs has been reached. Following completing that genre, the daunting task of TV series begins at a much higher level of difficulty due to arcane mastering issues involving mixed frame rates, interlacing, and the sheer volume of episodes.

More time is required, therefore a massive war resulting in most of humanity dying would be problematic since the electricity would be cut off.

Hey, I have my priorities.

Meanwhile, it has been a cold, if delayed winter, which somehow has been fairly dull despite a few minor snow storms here and there. The main hardship has been a roller coaster pattern to temperatures which is not the best thing for arthritis or cats. Both have been painful in different ways plus the added entertainment of constant feline confusion whenever I open the door to let them out. Top Cat looks at me with an accusatory stare when confronted with a chill blast, obviously blaming me for the situation.

When informed that weather control is above my pay grade, he shuffles off.

Only to demand being let out fifteen minutes later. 

With the same results.

I get no respect.

Looking Forward

 

For those who have hope, looking forward is a natural mode of behavior. For those with dashed hopes, looking backward to some mythological golden age is likewise natural. For those with absolutely no hope the perils of falling into apathetic depression or violent madness that desires to burn things down are again natural outcomes.

Here in the United States of America and many other places, choosing one of those three paths at the crossroads of 2020 was something that couldn't be avoided. Sadly, the last one has been chosen by enough to create a 2021 that may make the previous year look fantastically good by comparison. Anything that can go wrong is with no light in the tunnel in sight. 

One of the worst things is how acceptance of corruption and violence has grown, not shrunk in response to the challenges of a pandemic. Complicating the civil unrest is the now open resentment of the very existence of working class people of all races, creeds, and religions by the upper classes and a good chunk of the wealthier middle class. Divide et impera -- divide and conquer has been very successfully employed on an ignorant and self absorbed populace.

While the world is apparently bent on living a new normal of mandated isolation, corrupt tyranny, and hatred it is hard for people to be hopeful. Despair is growing, along with addictions and suicides, as jobs, income, and socializing are lost. Not exactly conducive conditions for growing hope in one's heart, are they?

My perspective on all of this going to be unusual. Personal circumstances of age, health, wealth, and lack of family have given me no hope for better times in the mortal sphere for some years. Frankly, generations of people are looking at the same fate, or soon will be when they realize far too late what all has been happening. Dealing with loss of what I'll call mortal hope is much more difficult when caught off guard with the ensuing problem of simply not having enough time to prepare for it.

Even so, I do not prescribe mortal hope. Often based on human expert opinion it is all too fallible and you are bound to always be disappointed. It is due to the bitter fact that the most brilliant human is still a barely functional idiot in the grand scheme of things. The failure of our governing, scientific, cultural, and educational leaders to be as brilliant as they claim to be has resulted in a slow rot of the faith of the masses in any of those institutions. 

This loss of faith has been happening for some decades although many do not realize it, especially the members of those institutions blaming the ignorance and stupidity of the masses. The real problem is that those lesser beings called the masses have begun noticing their betters have adorned themselves in The Emperor's New Clothes. Conflict is inevitable when madness reigns.

Not a cheerful thing to contemplate, is it?

It's a good thing that I consider myself just a visitor passing through on my way to a better world or I'd be trapped into one of the destructive modes of thinking outlined in the first paragraph. This, of course, doesn't make things blissfully easy as the world intrudes no matter how isolated or divorced from it you are. That said, letting go of worrying about the outcome for the entire planet or even the country I live in has been a good lesson in humility. 

Most of my life has been spent worrying on the behalf of others accompanied by inability to actually affect things on even a small stage as years of involvement in politics proved. Perhaps disability played a part, since so little of my own existence is under my control and so I looked for distraction in the form of civic duty, however it is no excuse for frittering away hours, perhaps years of my life. An ant trying to shove an elephant around never can succeed, after all. 

Rather than despairing, it is liberating to let go of responsibility that was never really mine in the first place. Taking on the burdens of the world is the Lord's duty, not mine, as I've thoroughly learned the last few years.

Where does that leave me in these broken times? 

My path has to be spiritual for the most part given my limitations. Choosing to do so while letting go of more worldly things is a way of putting one foot in front of another even if a slow shuffle. The important thing is actively keeping moving which should be easier having let go of the unnecessary weights slowing me down. 

It is ironic that this post was not started with any spiritual message intended yet keeps coming back to my faith in Christ. Is that itself a small step forward? Time will tell.

In the meantime, working on my health, learning video encoding (and eventually editing), and reading all those books I've accumulated over decades will keep me busy. The world is on its own.

That Which is Given, is Quickly Taken Away

I haven't been this upset in some time and typing this post is surprisingly difficult.

Just over three years ago, I wrote a post about a kitten I'd gotten to help another cat get over his depression at his brother's disappearance. Meriadoc was a little bundle of pure joy who more than accomplished his assigned task. Top adopted Merry as his new brother with the younger cat adoring him.


Along with a neighbor's cat who arrived in a snowstorm and refused to leave, the cats became very tight companions. So tight that we referred to them as "the Three Musketeers" due to their running around outside as a unit. They were so much fun to watch together, mainly due to the fact we'd never seen male cats bond like this before.


Two weeks ago, Merry went missing during high activity by local coyotes. Multiple nights they could be heard nearby taunting the neighbor's dogs. With no sign of him, we wrote him off as yet another cat taken by local varmints. We found ourselves missing him greatly.

Then this past Wednesday, I heard a rusty hinge of a meow from the dining room. Not believing my ears, I went to see if I was mishearing things. No, it was a beat up and very happy to be home Merry who begged to be picked up. Suffering from a slight weight loss and scratches from a fight with another cat, he was very much alive.

Over the next couple of days, he was in and out, demanding and getting extended holding sessions. His bowels weren't being kind to him, but I held him despite the pungent aroma he exuded while watching a DVD Friday night. I was so very grateful for his return that it didn't matter.

Little did I know that would be the last time I'd get to hold him alive.

Dad and I decided to go see a movie and as we turned on to the county road, I saw a black cat lying still in the middle of one lane. It was Merry. He'd been run over and his corpse was frozen without a hint of damage.

As I'm typing this, we have a fire going over a small patch of soil in an effort to soften it enough to bury the plucky black cat who gave us so much happiness. It wasn't just Top's heart that had been mended by Merry's presence, but those of the humans in his household.

Right now I'm fighting for self control. When I'd thought we'd lost him earlier, it wasn't like this. Losing him so soon after getting him back is unexpectedly excruciating. I'd thought I'd gotten used to the constant loss that defines my life.

Merry won't be and can't be replaced.

Not a Tornado or Even a Thunderstorm

Earlier this morning minor storms passed through leaving more rain than fury. However, after they had vacated I noticed the freshly repaired flagpole bending in the wind which kept escalating. Nothing was on weather radar, so this caught us by surprise.

Dad went out to retrieve the flag despite my warning him, as it was not looking safe and I’d had a dream of being crushed under a falling object the night before. Moving faster than his elderly body normally does, my father successfully retrieved Old Glory while the wind continued to blow east to west which is the exact opposite of normal.

Discussing how strange all this was, I looked out the windows and as I watched, my beloved if unhealthy willow tree tore out of the ground dramatically keeling over in slow motion. A mere couple of minutes later the power went out at which I said the dead cottonwood planted by my late mother had fallen.

Sure enough, it had taking the power line with it.



Been a hard May so far. The Subaru had the power steering pump start failing Sunday and we only got the replacement part yesterday. We’ll see how long it will take to get it in and repaired. Power steering fluid boiling over its reservoir is something new for me, but so are random winds blowing over trees.

Weather reports state wind gusts from 45 mph to 54 mph in the area. This was closer to a sustained wind in my opinion that was more powerful since I’ve seen winds in that range before. Given the shape of the valleys intersecting here, it may well have been higher than 54 mph in our little corner of Yucatan Valley.

Thankfully the power utility crews did a great job very quickly in getting things rigged up again.

Which is more than I can say for Open Live Writer, which no longer can post images. Sigh.

The Long Winter

With an unsubstantial winter storm last week that failed to live up to predictions of nine inches of snow (the snow melted the moment it hit the ground), spring has been elusive here in the upper Midwest. Only today are seasonal temperatures arriving, though we did have a few tantalizing previews that flitted in and out again to make the wait more torturous.

38 Degrees Below Zero

The title says it all, we hit –38 F overnight with windchill taking it down another ten degrees below the base temperature. I thought thirty below the night before was bad enough, but this was impressive – however it still was topped by 1996 when our property crossed the forty below line.

Our new used 2006 Subaru Outback refused to start yesterday until some hours of having a space heater in the engine compartment took effect in the late afternoon. The car ran well for a short jaunt to check on a neighbor but a puddle of transmission or power steering fluid was apparent when we parked again. I’m hoping that it is simply shrunken seals due to the cold, but a mechanic will have to check it out once the thaw comes.

We’ve kept ahead of the cold and done fine with the only casualty being the plastic grill over the speaker in the driver’s side door. A tap with a booted foot instantly cracked the frozen plastic. Frustrating since we’ve only had the car for just over a week.

Final thought: Modern thermal longjohns are the best invention since sliced bread.

To Blog, or Not to Blog, that Is the Question

For some time now I’ve been dealing with my evolving view of the Web and in particular its benefit to mankind. What began as a wonderful way to freely put out and find information, it looked like one of humanity’s greatest inventions, perhaps even something that would bring the world together.

Alas, it has turned out to do the opposite more often than not.

Okay, Enough with this Winter!

This is only a short rant/documentation about the latest winter storm to hit here in Minnesota. An entire weekend gone to freezing rain, sleet, hail, and anywhere between four inches and a foot of snow depending on location.

WAIT! And there’s more! 

The weather forecast states we’ll be getting another wave of the same for Wednesday morning. Some middle of April we are having here with Spring being AWOL.

April showers bring May flowers… So what do April blizzards bring?

May lizards? May gizzards?

For some reason, I don’t want to know.

2017

In many ways, 2017 was personally a lost year with health issues consuming far too much of my life. Nearly everything planned fell apart or was left incomplete once started, so it is without fondness that I bid the annum goodbye.

The one silver lining to the past twelve months is that my father is now able to eat solid foods again. He even gained weight during our one week stay at my sister’s house!

At least there were concrete improvements to government and foreign relations for the country despite the petulant whining of those invested in the current power structure and worshipping pop culture. As I’m writing this, a true resistance is trying to become a revolution in Iran against a genuine dictatorship in direct contrast to the histrionics here in the United States making me wonder if sanity has become a rare commodity in our decadent society.

Relief

The molar is finally out thanks to a dentist much closer than the Twin Cities taking mercy upon me and doing the extraction yesterday at a discount. Fortunately, the removal went smoothly with the offending tooth coming out mostly intact leaving just one root behind that didn’t put up a fight when subsequently yanked out. While the socket hurts and the associated swelling is there, it is nothing compared to what it was like before. Being able to breathe properly while sleeping is a wonderful thing.

Since the tooth was right on a nerve, there was risk in the extraction doing nerve damage, however it was already manifesting symptoms along that line so it needed to be done. For the past week I’d experienced what can only be described as a mild paralysis along the left side of the throat into the bronchial area accompanied by a slight numbness in the left corner of my lips. The morning after the procedure revealed that breathing in general had been affected by the infection as well, much to my surprise.

Once this heals up, it will be time to try to get something done about a large cavity. While I hope I can get the clinic in Rochester to do that so it is covered by UCare, the missed appointment put me months back in the queue. At this rate, selling belongings or borrowing money may be necessary for a cash payment at a closer dentist.

Oh well, one problem at a time.

Pressure Points

Events haven’t been going terribly well for me  lately. Another tooth needs extracting and finding an oral surgeon who accepts the dental insurance provided by the state of Minnesota is proving to be difficult. It is bad enough that the only regular dental clinic that I could find for basic care is 40+ miles away in Rochester, but UCare Connect (Delta Dental Civic Smiles) isn’t being accepted by the places listed as accepting it online. If the support team doesn’t find me a place in 48 hours, I’ll be back to calling numbers which usually reveals they stopped accepting it within the past several years.

Adding to the woes is a missed checkup appointment this week due to Verizon delivering all my voice mails from July, August, and early September on the day before the appointment. Since I don’t get out much, the push queue seems to delay me getting them dramatically. In August, I received messages from May and July along with one from 2016!

Not Dead Yet

The title of the post is what I yell out to turkey vultures hopefully circling overhead whenever I notice them stalking me. Likewise, the blog is still going though I seem to have missed posting for an entire month again.

Believe it or not, the multiyear delayed Godzilla review has advanced slightly, in that I’ve got most of the screen captures ready for editing. Now if the notes taken on the Blu-ray release turn up real progress might be made.

Lots of little things and unusually low amounts of energy even for me have kept me from doing anything interesting since May. My sister’s family visited over the Independence Day weekend, so the back half of the week had me bed ridden most of the time.

Dad has done well with eating more solids along with liquid food that normally is pumped in. Apparently the Nestle kind is palatable enough to consume by mouth, or so he says. Dealing with a big change in food consumption has been challenging, since we’ve both forgotten how to cook over the last three years of his paralyzed stomach. With it working again, my solitary diet of rice and eggs/chicken can no longer be the norm.

As for me, the rest of July looks… challenging. August doesn’t look much better and I find myself dreading all the energy expenditures involved. More than likely I will have to disappoint someone or more than one if my energy levels don’t improve.

In the meantime, there may be some short posts coming up featuring some oddball acquisitions made over the past few months.

May Brings Changes

It is said the one constant in life is change, so the events of this unfinished month are not surprising except when nature takes its course.

Storms have roiled the area and saturated the soil much to the disappointment of farmers trying to get their crops in. While we were spared the violent side of the weather, others were not including a fatality along with $10,000,000 in damages over in Barron County, Wisconsin. The same system left behind a beautiful sky that prompted me to get the camera out.

Game Over

Last night ended my interest in playing video games, though that interest had been waning for some months now. The catalyst was being harassed by a condescending nut case during a run in Star Trek Online, my go to game for relaxation. Details of the incident are unimportant, suffice it to say I became the angriest I've been in a solid decade.

Disregarding the hostile party, part of the anger was towards my caring about it at all. Dissatisfaction with gaming has been growing due to the realization that the whole endeavor is a substitute for achievement in life. One plays games to wear the costume of a hero, be a creator of farms or empires, and achieve victory along with renown in the case of multiplayer games.

All of these things are lies we are sold to make us feel accomplished and fulfilled, but not too fulfilled since there is always future content to sell by the game makers.

As I get older, these illusions ring more and more hollow. While most people like or are  comfortable with pretty little lies, the lure will continuously be effective. However, I'm not categorizable as "most people" so last night's ugliness was the last proverbial straw that broke this gamer's back.

Uninstallation of ninety percent of the games on my PC followed with the remaining not likely to be played or are games played socially with real life friends. It isn't even bittersweet with the predominant feeling being... relief.

My time will be better spent on just about anything else.

Overloaded

The past month and a half has been a blur of obligations, medical issues, and no energy to do much else so the blog has been neglected. No promises on increasing the frequencies of posting can be made until life gives me a few breaks. The Cubs could use some breaks right now too, as I type they are down 3-0 to the Yankees and it is the top of the first inning.

Like the baseball team is experiencing, it feels like life is hitting doubles against me. 5-0 now, the Bronx Bombers are clobbering starter Anderson.

Dealing with Dad’s health problems has been most of the drain though that will be letting up for awhile now that he’s successfully undergone multiple procedures to stretch his pyloric valve. Along with a change to Nexium (insurance hates that so the co-pay is large), his heartburn and reflux have vanished. Now to see if he can tolerate solid food again.

It Sounded Good at the Time

Oh gosh, it has been far too long between posts, yet I don’t feel guilty about it this time. Too many things have been going on in too many parts of my life so something had to give… and this wasn’t the only thing.

Multiple rounds of illness involving whatever upper respiratory virus of the moment circulating amongst the local population robbed me of days then weeks. Sudden developments with Dad’s paralyzed stomach suddenly showing motility led to a highly irritating pair of fiascoes last week added to the woes. Even the weather decided to take a turn for the worst after flirting with Spring like temperatures.

My sole consolation during the past month or so has been getting into audio theory and execution more deeply. Curiosity about crossovers, frequency charts, and clearance drivers has led to a lot of mad scientist behavior on my part not always wisely executed (see multiple rounds of illness above).

Fortunately, end results have been promising with stunning increases in performance for my newly rigged up 5.1 setup in my bedroom to make the PC much more of a hifi platform. It all started with a lucky win on eBay luring me down the rabbit hole.

2017 and I’m Still Catching Up

While intentions to post were good, I failed to get anything written during the past month and a half. A great deal has happened that while not being earth shaking has been time consuming.

A few of the events in reverse chronological order:

I just purchased a new keyboard, a Motospeed Inflictor CK-104, to deal with perpetual cat hair and crumb problems. Being one of the newer mechanical keyboards with backlighting it has far easier access under the keys for cleaning. Double shot keycaps and nice Outemu blue switches made it a steal at $44 at Amazon.

So far I’ve only gamed on it without any serious typing. Writing this post is its baptism by fire…

Yet Another Cat Missing

I was going to post a generic update with cat photos for my next post, however it looks like yet another cat has been lost. It has been a miserable week with a virus leading to bronchitis that I’m having trouble getting over, so I hadn’t noticed Baron being absent for a couple of days. His brother Top has been acting weird which isn’t a good sign.

While there is a remote chance the soon to be neutered tomcat has gone wandering, this has never turned out to be the case out here. They vanish completely, most likely consumed by the out of control coyote population or some other predator. As a result, there isn’t much hope of seeing the loud and hyper affectionate tabby tiger again.

Funny, I’d just been lamenting how I’d been unable to get any good photos of Baron and his brother because they refuse to sit still. The photo above is probably the last one to ever be taken of the sweet animal.

I’ve been expecting the worst ever since getting the brothers since nothing good ever happens to me. Still hurts though it is getting harder to care about anything other than simple survival. If it weren’t for scar tissue, I wouldn’t have a heart at all these days. I certainly don’t have any hope.

Rambling Rather than Ranting

Once again, it has been more than a month since last posting. I wish this was due to being really busy having summer fun, however it is solely due to not being up to my normal levels of subhuman energy. Every day has been a tightrope walk managing health versus activity ever since spring arrived.

Adding to the misery has been chronic problems with the new silicone hydrogel contacts and trying to figure out just what is triggering allergic reactions that make me look like Christopher Lee as Dracula. What is mystifying is how one or the other eye acts up, but rarely both at the same time. Maybe a trip to an allergist is needed since I’ve used every kind of solution and cleaning regime out there.