Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (1985) Review

When a cop is forcefully recruited into a secret government agency, he finds himself facing danger unlike anything he’s dealt with before. Even if those threats don’t kill him, he may not survive the assassination training by an eccentric ancient martial arts master. Sounds pretty serious, but the focus us more on laughs and the interaction between the leads.  The end result is a very uneven film with a uniquely goofy charm that sets it apart from your run of the mill action movie.

This movie about a rookie assassin launched into the crowded 1980’s action film glut failed to generate a box office killing and became something of a minor cult film instead. That’s appropriate since this action comedy was based on cult series of pulp novels called The Destroyer. Originally conceived as a spoof of James Bond and Bruce Lee movies, the novels veered off in another direction around the third installment when they became a very politically incorrect satire of absolutely everything and anything.

One of the fans of the series was Dick Clark of American Bandstand fame and he banded together with other producers to try to adapt the very irreverent and more than R-rated materiel into something for the masses. Hiring the famous James Bond movie director Guy Hamilton promised that the action would be well staged, but could they capture the odd style of the books? Well, there’s only one way to find out…

Asian inspired music opens the credit titles with accompanying glimpses of a very strange structure adorned with television antennae. Never explained in the film, this is a brief look at the home of a certain character from Korea built by many architects from around the world over the centuries, hence its hodgepodge appearance. It is a symbol of one of the bigger problems of the movie has: omitting explanations for the background concepts presented.

Normally I’m one for not having everything explained in a story. In fact, I find it very insulting. However, there is a minimum needed to bring people along who are unacquainted with the source material. This movie just manages to miss the required amount. Still, it is a nice “Easter egg” for fans of the novels.

Things shift quickly to the grungy New York City of the 1980’s. Ugly is the best way to describe how bad the Big Apple had gotten in the days before Rudy Giuliani. In the midst of the shoreline squalor, Officer Sam Makin (Fred Ward) lazes in his cruiser while listening to the Knicks lose another game along with his wager. His luck is about to change however. How much you want to bet it isn’t for the better?

One shady character running by isn’t enough to rouse his interest, but two more chasing the first finally gets him moving. Reluctantly doing his duty leads to being “killed” in the line of duty by a man in a large truck shoving his police car into the water. Yeah, NYC was a rough place back then.

Fans of the books might be offended by this turn of events, since it was a frame up and state execution that did in the main protagonist in print. It doesn’t matter a huge amount, he still is thought to be dead.

Changes to the origin are about as radical as the change in our hero’s appearance, which is to say not much. Now shorn of his moustache and face altered by plastic surgery (fake nose removed), his world has changed in bewildering fashion. It’s the least convincing change of appearance I’ve seen in a movie, which is strange given something we’ll get to see later.

Confusion increases for the dead man when the guy who ran him into the water arrives bearing a fruit basket. Conn MacLeary (J.A. Preston) is a dapper gentleman who makes it clear that “Remo Williams” doesn’t have any choices in what is going to happen to him.

Mac is considerably changed from the first novel, given that he was a crude white Irishman. Personally, I think this incarnation is a huge improvement. With his introduction, the sarcastic humor of the movie arrives to set it apart from the simple one liners embodied by Arnold Schwarzenegger’s flicks.

Remo soon finds out that his new life is to be one of service to an ultra secret government agency. More precisely, he is to be a hit man for a dour and earthy bureaucrat named Harold Smith. Played by veteran actor Wilfred Brimley, this is the one truly bad piece of casting in the movie.

Instead of a man utterly devoid of personality and imagination like in the books, he’s often crude and talkative. One of the things I always liked about Smith is the fact that he got this job from a President due to the fact he had zero ambition due to not having a detectable personality. No other type could be entrusted with the responsibility than the dullest man in the nation.

Smith resides a massive building that is supposedly a bank, but is really filled with Cray supercomputers tapping into and collecting all the electronic data in the country. Given what we know about the NSA today, the movie is prophetic about the extent of data gathering the Federal government does on its own citizens.

The big difference here is that the secret agency is a three man operation, counting Remo. Answerable only to the President of the United States, their duty is to protect the Constitution while being outside of it. During the Cold War this was an appealing idea instead of being frightening like it is today.

“You move like a pregnant yak.”

Sent on a hit his first night on the job, Remo finds himself up against an elderly Korean man. Not happy with the idea of offing a senior citizen, he tries to exit. That doesn’t go so well since the old man is a martial arts master able to dodge bullets. Chiun (Joel Grey) seems fairly mellow as he allows the would be killer to injure himself repeatedly in a demonstration of futility.

Check out that makeup applied to Grey in order to turn him into an 80 year old Korean. It was so well done it was actually nominated for an Oscar. Yes, Remo Williams had an Oscar nomination as amazing as it sounds. Additionally, the Oscar winning actor was nominated for a Golden Globe award for this performance. Bet you didn’t know that – I didn’t before I started researching for the review.

“You did not ask to be white, so perhaps it is not your fault.”

With the introduction of the witty, opinionated, and very racist Chiun things get a whole lot more interesting. The classic training of the novice begins but the chemistry between master and pupil keeps it from being boring. Both are sharp tongued, combative, and strong willed so it is quite a bit of fun to watch them verbally spar.

While that is going on, wrong doings in the defense industry catch the eyes of Smith and another. Major Reyner Fleming (Kate Mulgrew) embodies the modern feminist battling sexist males around her. This is all very formulaic with Mulgrew believable if not terribly exciting in her role as an honest soldier digging too deep into problems with a contractor.

The scenes with Fleming and Smith separately investigating are essentially exposition to move the plot forward. I found myself waiting them out with impatience to see how Remo and Chiun were getting on. Since the most appealing part about the novel series was their relationship, it was no surprise the same could be said about the movie.

Hinted at is Remo’s being an orphan and having never known a father. Unlike the source material, it can only be deduced from a few things shown. It is stated that he has no family early on. Then there is his constant looking to his trainer for approval. He’s very much a man child in behavior and sense of humor as well lending him a little boy lost quality.

“…the Korean is the most perfect person to sanctify the Earth with the imprint of his foot.”

Chiun is a fascinating character blending antiquated attitudes with odd quirks that show a sentimental side. Addicted to terrible soap operas, he worries over the characters as if they were real. A training trip to Coney Island shows a childlike aspect to his personality when he wins one of those hopelessly hard ring toss games with ease. I could watch him all day long and be entertained.

But an action film has to have villains, so we have to endure some cardboard cutout villains. The big bad guy is George Grove (Charles Cioffi), owner of Grove Industries, con artist, philanthropist, and murderer. He’s a typical big business villain complete with generic henchmen to do his bidding. One of them, Stone (Patrick Kilpatrick) sports a diamond inlaid in one of his incisors in what looks like a spoof of Jaws from the Roger Moore era of James Bond.

Just look at that smile. He would have made a great Joker without the complicated makeup Jack Nicholson wore four years later. Could he act? Hard to tell from this movie since he didn’t have many lines and seemed to be there mainly to look evil.

“Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.”

So obvious looking evil is afoot, but it is still in the background so we can get back to the real fun. The secret organization is eager to find out how much longer it will be before their new weapon is ready.  The reply of “fifteen years” doesn’t go over well with Mac so Remo is borrowed for a mission.

But before that, the subject of sex has to be dealt with. Frustrated and hormonal due to his intense training, Remo starts complaining only to be informed that the martial art of Sinanju has a method to bring women to sexual ecstasy. Of course, only the first innocuous step is taught before the wily master changes the subject.

Odd as it sounds, it is very much like a father handling the first inquiries on the subject from an adolescent son. Instead of being vulgar and crued, it is gently amusing.

At this point, Remo has the pickup skills of baboon so there really isn’t anything to worry about. His attempt to flirt with Fleming during his first mission causes her to laugh at his ridiculously lame line. This may be Mulgrew’s best scene in the movie come to think of it.

Then there is our hero’s first encounter with Stone which leads to him running afoul of another woman in uniform. Smooth he is not and things don’t go swimmingly to the annoyance of his new employers. He may be able to dodge a bullet or two, but Remo’s not exactly subtle in his methods.

 

Of course that makes him a target for assassination himself. When a training session to help him conquer his fear of heights goes awry thanks to Stone, we get to see the most flashy action sequence of the movie. Partially filmed on location during the period the Statue of Liberty was being restored, it’s a lengthy fight that really feels like something from director Guy Hamilton’s Bond outings.

Fallout from the attempt on his life includes a sinister revelation that throws Remo for an emotional loop. Now feeling betrayed, the trainee assassin faces his greatest moment of doubt. The problem is doubt can kill you when you are an unarmed living weapon and a dangerous mission must be carried out.

Thoughts

This film holds a special place in my heart because it was one of the films that achieve the special status of being one of the family’s films. Certain movies were mutual favorites watched over and over again in the immediate family and this was one of them. So I will admit to bias in its favor.

Even so, I believe this to be a good movie, though not a great one. While being entertaining, it is highly flawed and hampered by a low budget for something that was supposed to start a series of movies. After all, it was titled Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins for a reason. It did not do well in the theaters, but did find a better fate on home video and cable TV.

Part of the problem is that we got the Guy Hamilton who directed The Man with the Golden Gun rather than the Guy Hamilton who directed Goldfinger and Battle of Britain. This production was his second to last movie and by this point it seemed like he was only going through the motions. While it can’t be called pedestrian, it certainly isn’t daring and in fact it is sloppy in many places.

One thing that amazes me is how bad they were at hiding the safety wires used in many of the stunt scenes. Even for the time this glaring and seeing the movie on a large screen television they are distracting.

Music can make or break a movie and the atrocious 1980’s synth score from Craig Safan does not help, though parts of the main theme are an exception. I do not miss the cheap soundtracks aspect of the decade at all. Keep an ear open for the theme motif to show up in unexpected form at Coney Island. Also not impressive is the single contributed by Tommy Shaw of Styx fame. Forgettable would be how I would describe it if I could remember it at all.

Fortunately, the chemistry between Ward and Grey more than make up for the short comings of the production. Watching the two of them bicker is great fun and made even better when they get serious. This is where the movie matches the source material the most in tone.

Joel Grey was a brilliant piece of casting with him pursued for the role. While he didn’t know any martial arts, his being a dancer was actually a better fit for how Chiun is supposed to move. His accent was a bit dodgy, sounding more Chinese to me, but since he shone so much in the role it is easily forgiven.

Fred Ward was a little old for the part, but made up for it by being convincingly dim and likeable as Remo should be. Physically, he’s a little bulky compared to the novels, but Remo didn’t get skinny until further along in his training. His comic timing was superb and not a surprise given his later performance in Tremors. That’s not to say the actor was weak in the more emotional scenes for he’s almost as good there as he was in The Right Stuff.

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins is rated PG-13 for good reason, but is not on the extreme end of the rating. There is some blood, no gore, multiple deaths, and lots of violence. At some point the makers of the film decided to tone things down with the fight at the Statue of Liberty a good example.

Remo loops a rope around an attacker’s neck and then throws him off the scaffolding with an accompanying sound of a neck snapping. Then moments later, the attacker is shown struggling while hanging with the rope around his ankle. That’s a take back if I’ve ever seen one and should have been left as is.

In regards to sexuality in the movie, I covered what little was in it already and unlike the books there is nothing explicit to be found. Mild profanity dots the movie like many from thirty years ago. Other than that, I can recommend it for teens and up without too many worries.

Fans of comedy action, the Destroyer series of novels, and East meets West stories will like this movie. In fact, that is the film’s greatest strength: it is likeable. Just don’t expect a kung-fu movie with lots of flashy moves. Check Remo Williams out, it’s simply fun.

Technical

The DVD I have is a region 2 edition put out by MGM in the United Kingdom. Thanks to having a region free DVD player, I can watch movies from around the world and this disc shows why that is a good thing. The region 1 DVD is pan & scan, not widescreen so this is the only way to see it in the original widescreen format. Presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic letterbox, the “Unarmed and Dangerous” edition is a bare bones release with an unrestored video transfer that shows its age.

Dirt, scratches, and vertical lines are present in some scenes while the overall look is a bit grainy, which is not unusual due to the lower quality film stock used at the time. Colors are decent, but the contrast could be better especially in the night scenes. Despite the flaws, the picture is sharp thanks to the disc being dual layer.

Audio is very clear Dolby Surround, in this case stereo with a back channel that does get used from time to time mainly be the music. Subtitles are available in English SDH and Dutch.

There are no extras to speak of.

BEWARE! HERE BE SPOILERS!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

The whole HARP subplot was a slam on the Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI) aka “Star Wars” defense program aimed at intercepting incoming nuclear armed missiles. It was hugely controversial at the time, which might amaze younger people today since we live in a time where AEGIS cruisers can intercept ballistic missiles and are deployed around the globe.

Some cynics thought the program was a con game by the defense industry to get money out of the government hence the HARP prototype being revealed to be a dummy. This scene looked a lot like an old James Bond set, didn’t it?

Two thing jumped out at me here, and yes one was the dog. First was the fad of Doberman pinchers being the scariest dogs on the planet back in the 70’s and early 80’s. The second was the terrible visual effects employed to make it look like the dog was walking on a wire. They didn’t even get the top and bottom aligned properly and you can see the diagonal split where the dog is walking on a platform! It looks cheap and probably was rushed.

Mac’s final fate was a sobering moment in the movie and a well executed quiet scene. Moments like this made it easy to forgive the badly done parts.

Stone never came off as convincing in menace. He’s annoying at best, but I have to say what Remo does with his face was a classic Destroyer moment. It was also vicariously satisfying in a brutal way.

Chiun’s reappearance and sexist comments were as hilarious as they were stunning to Fleming. It is one of the few times she’s at a loss for words since she never shut up. Eventually the old master uses a Sinanju technique for a more lasting silencing. “Blessed silence” indeed.

Fleming’s sudden interest in Remo simply isn’t believable, but the female characters were always disposable in the novels so it doesn’t really matter. At least nothing happened between the two.

A candidate for best scene in the movie, Chiun’s survival of the truck tumbling down the hill provided laughs and a genuinely sweet moment between him and Remo. “My son” and “little father” made the film for me as a fan of the books.

The movie went downhill from there and that includes the metaphoric meaning too. Remo being chased down the hills of the real life U.S. Army proving grounds was oddly anticlimactic. For all the stunt work involved there is little payoff in the way of thrills or feeling of danger.

Grove cleaning his hunting firearms earlier turned out to be foreshadowing. I just realized I didn’t see any trophies in his den, which explains his shooting skills here. Watch for him manning the .50 machine gun with sounds of it firing and squibs going off on the trees, but no actual firing of the weapon. Sloppy production work yet again.

It was pretty standard for villains not to die when it was impossible for them to survive back in the 80’s. So of course Grove pops up when Remo investigates the wreck. Time for some bullet dodging showing off his Sinanju skills.

His lighting the twig with friction from his fingers was another true Destroyer moment though nothing prior hinted at such an ability. A perfect assassination follows and the honor of the House of Sinanju is upheld. Plus Remo gets a walk off like a proper action hero complete with gasoline fireball behind him.

So we get a radio news report instantly relaying the news of the death of Grove, which is simply impossible given that mere minutes have passed by. I get the feeling this was an outtake from another filmed scene that they overdubbed and inserted at the end to show Smith won’t order Remo’s death. It would have been better to have left it out since the movie was already long enough at 1 hour 56 minutes.

I guess we weren’t shown enough Wilfred Brimley earlier between the film and Grape-Nuts commercials that were on TV all the time back then.

“Chiun, you’re incredible!”

“No. (pause) I’m better than that!”

So after briefly reveling in the mustached glory of Brimley, we finally get the escape from the Army. Chiun runs on water to the delight of Remo and off they speed across the lake with the proud master of Sinanju standing on the prow. It sounds cheesy but it brought a smile to my face and still does.

And that’s how the film suddenly ends. Roll credits and that tune I can’t recall.

A two hour TV pilot was made afterward with different actors playing the roles, but in continuity with this. It wasn’t nearly as good and that ended adaptation attempts for the property. Maybe one day Hollywood will try again, but I’m not holding my breath.