Looking at the calendar, it has been well over a year since I last posted on the blog. This is due to a variety of reasons with a lack of interest being the primary reason...

When I first started From the Sidelines, it was intended mostly as a journal of sorts rather than trying to start a paper one yet again. Those prior attempts never lasted long due to there rarely being anything positive to report leaving constant bad health for entries. At some point, abandoning doing the same on the blog had to happen as nobody (me) wants to read a litany of woe.

Over the years, the death of Live Writer and Open Live Writer straight up killed the formatting I liked to use for posts containing images leading to a reduction of my interest in photography as an unwanted side effect. Simultaneously, the Internet became a short inflammatory text message or video oriented format as the race to the lowest common denominator of human behavior took over. The failure of search engines in recent years turned the new frontier days of the World Wide Web into a corporately homogeneous dull pastiche of assorted inanities with no place for anything remotely thoughtful or creative.

In short, it all ceased to be even remotely fun.

At one point, I thought the site would at least be preserved for posterity, after all everything is permanent on the Internet as it used to be said. Time and reality have proved otherwise with vast tracts of data, personal sites, and even large web sites vanished into the ether. While the Internet Archive project is a valiant attempt to preserve things, it is under threat of being sued out of existence. 

The fragility of digital data has become very apparent of late and the things we take for granted today will be gone without a trace, unlike tangible objects such as books, documents, paintings, and buildings. We, the denizens of the modern West, have built a house of cards at the end of our civilization that most people will be shocked by when it collapses.

So I find myself questioning why I bothered with creating From the Sidelines in the first place. 20/20 hindsight is at play, of course -- but I can't remember the feeling I had starting it up and adding to it in the early years. That was a time I still had hope for some kind of life in mortality and those kind of delusions are now long gone.

The blog is a relic of the past at this point, I think.

Blind Men See More Clearly Than This

 Since my last post, Russia invaded Ukraine and most of the world decided they suddenly loved Ukraine resulting in an outpouring of outrage and a proliferation of blue & yellow avatars on social media accounts. Suddenly, a clash between completely corrupt countries became the most black and white war ever seen. Any criticism about Ukraine or its leader Volodymyr Zelensky was heresy, Nazi supporting, and Putin adoration worthy of being burned at the stake.

Well, that's on one side. 

The other side extolled the virtues of the one true defender of Christianity, free speech, and capitalism: Vladimir Putin. Righting all the wrongs done by Biden, Hilary Clinton, and the Krampus, anything said against him was heresy, Neo Nazi supporting, Zelensky adoration worthy of being burned at the stake.

Any attempts by individuals at being a voice of reason has resulted in said voices being shouted down for being a villain supporting one side or the other depending on the stance of the denouncer. Usually keeping a cool and objective perspective is desired, but not in 2022 as raging emotionalism has become the only form of public discourse allowed in the modern West, not just the United States of America.

We didn't need that added to the already murky fog of war, yet here we are.

This post is an attempt to record my thoughts in extremely broad strokes for future posterity. There is no way I could document all that I've read and researched over the years without writing a lengthy book, so this is more for my consumption/memories than anything else. 

2022 Is Strange and Not in a Good Way

 From growing authoritarian tendencies being exhibited by various Western governments (Australia and Canada being the worst), an economic collapse underway in the U.S.A., to the extreme desire for war with Russia emanating from D.C., this year is showing signs of wanting to compete with the previous two for making life miserable for us plebs.

It all feels like being an NPC (Non Player Character) or an unnamed side character in a really badly written game or novel. If the theory we are all in a vast computer simulation is true, the company responsible for it must be the pan-dimensional version of EA or Blizzard Software -- especially if the unadulterated nuttery going on in Western culture is considered.

Having survived the Delta variant of COVID-19 back in November (not mild, but not severe, still generally unimpressive), I'd hoped for a little more normality sooner rather then later. Silly me. 

I have to say, World War III was not on my list of probable events when the new year arrived!

A nuclear war would be inconvenient as I'm still upscaling DVD's from my collection to HD and am nowhere near being done. The most important movies have been rendered and the halfway point on anime discs has been reached. Following completing that genre, the daunting task of TV series begins at a much higher level of difficulty due to arcane mastering issues involving mixed frame rates, interlacing, and the sheer volume of episodes.

More time is required, therefore a massive war resulting in most of humanity dying would be problematic since the electricity would be cut off.

Hey, I have my priorities.

Meanwhile, it has been a cold, if delayed winter, which somehow has been fairly dull despite a few minor snow storms here and there. The main hardship has been a roller coaster pattern to temperatures which is not the best thing for arthritis or cats. Both have been painful in different ways plus the added entertainment of constant feline confusion whenever I open the door to let them out. Top Cat looks at me with an accusatory stare when confronted with a chill blast, obviously blaming me for the situation.

When informed that weather control is above my pay grade, he shuffles off.

Only to demand being let out fifteen minutes later. 

With the same results.

I get no respect.

Looking Forward

 

For those who have hope, looking forward is a natural mode of behavior. For those with dashed hopes, looking backward to some mythological golden age is likewise natural. For those with absolutely no hope the perils of falling into apathetic depression or violent madness that desires to burn things down are again natural outcomes.

Here in the United States of America and many other places, choosing one of those three paths at the crossroads of 2020 was something that couldn't be avoided. Sadly, the last one has been chosen by enough to create a 2021 that may make the previous year look fantastically good by comparison. Anything that can go wrong is with no light in the tunnel in sight. 

One of the worst things is how acceptance of corruption and violence has grown, not shrunk in response to the challenges of a pandemic. Complicating the civil unrest is the now open resentment of the very existence of working class people of all races, creeds, and religions by the upper classes and a good chunk of the wealthier middle class. Divide et impera -- divide and conquer has been very successfully employed on an ignorant and self absorbed populace.

While the world is apparently bent on living a new normal of mandated isolation, corrupt tyranny, and hatred it is hard for people to be hopeful. Despair is growing, along with addictions and suicides, as jobs, income, and socializing are lost. Not exactly conducive conditions for growing hope in one's heart, are they?

My perspective on all of this going to be unusual. Personal circumstances of age, health, wealth, and lack of family have given me no hope for better times in the mortal sphere for some years. Frankly, generations of people are looking at the same fate, or soon will be when they realize far too late what all has been happening. Dealing with loss of what I'll call mortal hope is much more difficult when caught off guard with the ensuing problem of simply not having enough time to prepare for it.

Even so, I do not prescribe mortal hope. Often based on human expert opinion it is all too fallible and you are bound to always be disappointed. It is due to the bitter fact that the most brilliant human is still a barely functional idiot in the grand scheme of things. The failure of our governing, scientific, cultural, and educational leaders to be as brilliant as they claim to be has resulted in a slow rot of the faith of the masses in any of those institutions. 

This loss of faith has been happening for some decades although many do not realize it, especially the members of those institutions blaming the ignorance and stupidity of the masses. The real problem is that those lesser beings called the masses have begun noticing their betters have adorned themselves in The Emperor's New Clothes. Conflict is inevitable when madness reigns.

Not a cheerful thing to contemplate, is it?

It's a good thing that I consider myself just a visitor passing through on my way to a better world or I'd be trapped into one of the destructive modes of thinking outlined in the first paragraph. This, of course, doesn't make things blissfully easy as the world intrudes no matter how isolated or divorced from it you are. That said, letting go of worrying about the outcome for the entire planet or even the country I live in has been a good lesson in humility. 

Most of my life has been spent worrying on the behalf of others accompanied by inability to actually affect things on even a small stage as years of involvement in politics proved. Perhaps disability played a part, since so little of my own existence is under my control and so I looked for distraction in the form of civic duty, however it is no excuse for frittering away hours, perhaps years of my life. An ant trying to shove an elephant around never can succeed, after all. 

Rather than despairing, it is liberating to let go of responsibility that was never really mine in the first place. Taking on the burdens of the world is the Lord's duty, not mine, as I've thoroughly learned the last few years.

Where does that leave me in these broken times? 

My path has to be spiritual for the most part given my limitations. Choosing to do so while letting go of more worldly things is a way of putting one foot in front of another even if a slow shuffle. The important thing is actively keeping moving which should be easier having let go of the unnecessary weights slowing me down. 

It is ironic that this post was not started with any spiritual message intended yet keeps coming back to my faith in Christ. Is that itself a small step forward? Time will tell.

In the meantime, working on my health, learning video encoding (and eventually editing), and reading all those books I've accumulated over decades will keep me busy. The world is on its own.

Uncertainty

With far too much of the world gripped in a panic induced by a pandemic, I've been contemplating how poorly the vast majority of humans deal with uncertainty in life. The following ramble came out of that exercise.

Fear of the unknown has been considered the most potent of fears experienced by humans. A microscopic virus cannot be seen by the unaided eye with only its casualties left behind to be witnessed as evidence of its passage -- unless you work in a lab analyzing test samples. For all intents and purposes it is almost supernatural to the lay person, resulting in an intense primordial fear being felt by more than a few and far too many.

The most dangerous problem with intense fear is that it is intrinsically irrational and furthermore generates deeply irrational reactions that really can't be called thoughts. Feeding into that is another fear that is common and lurks below the surface in a constant fashion: uncertainty. Often manifesting as anxiety over change, it can be debilitating all by itself.

Now add the normal fear of death and you have a cocktail of genuine madness that is capable of being spread more quickly than any virus. If that wasn't enough, the continued political actions based on Rahm Emmanuel's famous line, "You never let a serious crisis go to waste," has generated genuine fear of government infringement of civil rights here in the United States. Since the upper middle class to wealthy so far aren't affected by job loss the way middle and lower class voters have been, a huge disparity in economic impact is exacerbating the situation.

There is a terrible social and economic disconnect between the highly educated classes and everyone else being fully revealed by this. Not only is there no empathy, there is zero sympathy exhibited toward the struggles of the poorer as they suffer economic devastation. Instead, vilification is the order of the day as the lock down turns into an open class struggle.

When people are oscillating from fear of death to fear of losing their homes to fear of having their rights taken away to fear of anyone disagreeing with them, you have truly reached uncertain times. The uncertainty is inescapable, not even through binge streaming television as has become the big thing to do -- with so many trapped at home now.

It's driving people crazy and making them meaner.

That Which is Given, is Quickly Taken Away

I haven't been this upset in some time and typing this post is surprisingly difficult.

Just over three years ago, I wrote a post about a kitten I'd gotten to help another cat get over his depression at his brother's disappearance. Meriadoc was a little bundle of pure joy who more than accomplished his assigned task. Top adopted Merry as his new brother with the younger cat adoring him.


Along with a neighbor's cat who arrived in a snowstorm and refused to leave, the cats became very tight companions. So tight that we referred to them as "the Three Musketeers" due to their running around outside as a unit. They were so much fun to watch together, mainly due to the fact we'd never seen male cats bond like this before.


Two weeks ago, Merry went missing during high activity by local coyotes. Multiple nights they could be heard nearby taunting the neighbor's dogs. With no sign of him, we wrote him off as yet another cat taken by local varmints. We found ourselves missing him greatly.

Then this past Wednesday, I heard a rusty hinge of a meow from the dining room. Not believing my ears, I went to see if I was mishearing things. No, it was a beat up and very happy to be home Merry who begged to be picked up. Suffering from a slight weight loss and scratches from a fight with another cat, he was very much alive.

Over the next couple of days, he was in and out, demanding and getting extended holding sessions. His bowels weren't being kind to him, but I held him despite the pungent aroma he exuded while watching a DVD Friday night. I was so very grateful for his return that it didn't matter.

Little did I know that would be the last time I'd get to hold him alive.

Dad and I decided to go see a movie and as we turned on to the county road, I saw a black cat lying still in the middle of one lane. It was Merry. He'd been run over and his corpse was frozen without a hint of damage.

As I'm typing this, we have a fire going over a small patch of soil in an effort to soften it enough to bury the plucky black cat who gave us so much happiness. It wasn't just Top's heart that had been mended by Merry's presence, but those of the humans in his household.

Right now I'm fighting for self control. When I'd thought we'd lost him earlier, it wasn't like this. Losing him so soon after getting him back is unexpectedly excruciating. I'd thought I'd gotten used to the constant loss that defines my life.

Merry won't be and can't be replaced.

A Lack of Motivation

It has been just over five months since I last posted here. Between struggles with health and not a whole lot to say, there hasn't been a lot of motivation to put together content for the blog. However, there has been an additional demotivating factor affecting my attitude.

The death of Open Live Writer's ability to work with images. Since the built in Blogger editor has always been twitchy, not to mention inconvenient to work with by comparison, it has made posting difficult.

One of the things that has made aging a melancholy process for me is the ruination of so many things I enjoyed or used faithfully over many years. From movie franchises to books to stores to tremendously helpful software, the downward spiral has been unavoidable. Here and there a replacement has been found that works, yet all too many have fallen prey to creative destruction -- minus the creative part.

So rethinking the blog is in order. Movie and anime reviews will not continue, though the old ones will stay. I had enjoyed the process of composing them but formatting has become an onerous task. A return to the more journal like aspect of the blog is probably in order with the added complication of my disliking writing about the unhappy things in my life.  Living through them is enough pain in the first place. The human desire to dwell endlessly on unhappiness is not something I approve of -- especially where I'm concerned.

Since my other blog, Mamie's Life is permanently discontinued I have to wonder if this is an end to an era on the Net for me. Output steadily decreased over the years has dropped the blog in priority to somewhere in the negative numbers on my To-Do list. Earlier in the year I posted about a lot of other factors souring me on blogging including the decline of civilized behavior in general.

All in all, I can't find any motivation to continue From the Sidelines.